CAST OF CHARACTERS
(Mostly
in order of appearance)
Hood,
Robert L. Former President of the Greatest Country in
the World and father of Rob N. Hood.
Hood,
Patricia Former First Lady of the Greatest Country in
the World and mother of Rob N. Hood.
Hood, Rob N. Legendary
President of the Greatest Country in the World.
Full name Robert Nottingham Locksley Fitzwalter Hood
Rogue Rob N. Hood’s
campaign manager and political adviser, widely considered the power behind the
throne.
Chainsaw Rob N. Hood’s
vice president, widely considered the power behind the throne.
Hood,
Brother Brother of Rob N. Hood and governor of the
state whose electoral votes brought Rob N. Hood’s total over the top.
Taker Official from
Robert L. Hood’s administration brought out to provide a statesmanlike face to
Rob N. Hood’s recount team.
Rott Rob N. Hood’s
invaluable ally in the Senate.
DeCay Rob N. Hood’s
invaluable ally in the House of Representatives.
Splicer Rob N. Hood’s press secretary.
Harass Political
ally of Brother Hood who supervised the recount that put Rob N. Hood in
office. Subsequently selected for a
higher office.
Getrich Prominent Guardian Of Privilege, formerly powerful
leader of the House of Representatives.
What passes nowadays for an elder statesman.
Shrill
Varlet Independent conservative pundit whose views
often eerily parallel those of members of the Hood administration.
Who? Name applied
to Rob N. Hood’s detested predecessor under a law passed in the early days of
the administration.
Friar Tough Rob N. Hood’s
first-term Attorney General and God’s man in the Justice Department.
The Federal
Oracle Oracle whose divinely inspired but cryptic
utterances are the basis of fiscal policy in the Greatest Country in the World.
Callin-n-Rail Independent conservative pundit whose views often
eerily parallel those of members of the Hood administration.
Arson Rob N. Hood’s
solicitor general, who had used all his eloquence to persuade the Supreme Court
to make Rob N. the president.
Gunbelt Secretary of
Defense, who believes so strongly in the saying “The best defense is a good
offense” that he wants to change his official title accordingly.
Moretwist Leading
libertudian thinker and strategist, adored by Guardians Of Privilege and video
game designers alike for his promise to “disembowel the government and strangle
it with its own intestines.”
Rupert the
Fox
Dashingly named mogul whose worldwide media outlets extol Rob N. Hood’s
every move. Coincidentally, he is the
greatest beneficiary of the administration’s proposed changes in the rules on
media monopolies.
Nofacts Independent
conservative pundit who courageously defended the First Amendment right of
journalists to reveal classified information for the purpose of undermining
critics of the Hood administration.
Marian
Librarian Rob N.’s wife, formerly a librarian, so
called after a musical comedy character who fell improbably in love with a
charming but amoral swindler.
Powerless Secretary of
State during Rob N. Hood’s first administration. Left the administration as soon as he had
fulfilled his function, persuading moderate voters that not everyone in Rob
N.’s administration was an extremist.
Friar
Malleable Friar Tough’s successor as Attorney General, whose
outstanding qualification was his consistent position that Rob N. should not be
bound by the constraints that applied to lesser men.
Convoluta National
Security Adviser during Rob N. Hood’s first administration, succeeded Powerless
as Secretary of State. Known for her
devotion to Rob N. and for the principle that a complicated lie overwhelms a
simple truth every time.
Abracadabra Lobbyist
famous for the ability to work magic on behalf of anyone who paid him and the
Guardians Of Privilege a real lot of money.
Fibby Chainsaw’s
chief of staff, forced to resign when implicated in the administration’s leak
of a
Clobbers Chief
Justice appointed by Rob N. and confirmed by the Senate when Judiciary
Committee hearings revealed that he was perfect.
Rude Mayor
best known for his abrasive personality until the terrorist attack recast him
as a new Churchill.
McGain Guardian
Of Privilege widely disliked by the party establishment for occasional flashes
of integrity but willing to toe the line when the chips were down.
Hobgoblin Prominent
Guardian Of Privilege known as a moderate.
Criticizes Rob N. when the president does something too egregious but
votes the party line when the chips are down, because consistency is the
hobgoblin of little minds.